Is Closure Overrated? | That Breakup Post-Mortem You’re Obsessing Over

Ah, closure. That elusive, shiny thing we chase after when relationships end—whether it’s a messy breakup, a friendship that ghosted harder than your Wi-Fi during a storm or even cutting ties with that job you barely tolerated.

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We tell ourselves that closure is the key to moving on, that it’s some kind of emotional full stop that lets us turn the page with a dramatic hair flip. But is it really worth the hype, or is it just a fancy way of stalling the inevitable heartbreak?

Let’s dig into this.

What Even Is Closure, Anyway?

Closure, in theory, is that neat and tidy conversation where everyone suddenly becomes wise and articulate. Feelings are validated, reasons are explained, and you walk away with the emotional equivalent of a to-go bag—something to munch on while you process the loss. It’s supposed to offer clarity and prevent those late-night overthinking spirals that make you Google “how to stop caring immediately.”

But here’s the plot twist: closure is often a lie we tell ourselves. More often than not, it’s just an excuse to keep one foot in the past. You don’t really want answers; you want a different ending. And unless you’ve somehow wandered into a Netflix special where your ex has a sudden change of heart, that’s not happening.

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The False Promise of “Why”

A lot of us crave closure because we want to understand why things ended. Why did your friend fade away without explanation? Why did your ex suddenly need to “find themselves” (and apparently needed to do it with someone else)?

Here’s the harsh truth: even if you get your why, it won’t make the pain go away. In fact, it might make it worse. Imagine your ex tells you, “I left because you were too clingy.” Great, now you’ve got a complex and a broken heart. Sometimes, no explanation is better than one that leaves you spiraling on your therapist’s couch for six weeks straight.

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Meeting Up for Answers (That Won’t Change Anything)

So, I’ll admit it. I fell into the closure trap. A week ago, my ex—who ghosted me a year ago like I was a bad subplot in their life—texted and asked for coffee and a chat. And like an absolute genius, I agreed to meet up, convinced this was my shot at closure.

I had my speech prepared, my questions locked and loaded. But when we sat down, do you know what I got? A half-baked apology, some awkward small talk, and a vague “I was just in a bad place” excuse. No grand revelations, no real accountability. Just a person trying to ease their own guilt.

And in that moment, I realized something: closure wasn’t coming. Not from him. Maybe not from anyone.

I left that meet-up feeling even more unresolved than before and anxious. But eventually, I understood that closure isn’t something someone else gives you—it’s something you take for yourself. You accept and carry on.

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The Real Reason We Want Closure

Spoiler: It’s control. We want to feel like we’re the ones closing the door, like we have some power in how things end. But relationships—whether romantic, platonic, or professional—are messy and often end without a satisfying resolution. People leave jobs without goodbye emails, friends grow apart, and partners call it quits without providing a TED Talk on their emotional state.

And maybe that’s okay. Maybe accepting the chaos is part of healing.

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When Closure Actually Helps

Not to be a total cynic—sometimes, closure does help. But here’s the catch: it only works when you’re genuinely ready to move on and not using it as a last-ditch attempt to rewrite the past. Healthy closure sounds like:

• “I appreciate the time we had, and I need to let go now.”

• “I get why things ended, and I respect it.”

• “I will stop stalking your social media…now-ish.”

If you can manage that, congrats—you’ve found the rare, non-toxic form of closure.

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What to Do Instead of Chasing Closure

1. Write Your Own Ending: No, seriously. Grab a journal and give yourself the closure conversation you wanted. Make it dramatic if you need to. “Dear Ex, I get it, you were intimidated by my obvious superiority.”

2. Mute, Block, and Bless: You don’t need to see their new life updates to move on. Social media is where closure goes to die.

3. Turn That Energy Inward: Learn something new, cut your hair, take up pottery—whatever makes you feel like a main character again.

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In Conclusion: Closure Is Overrated

If you get it, great. If not, you’ll survive. Often, the real closure comes from accepting you might never get that final conversation—and deciding you’re okay with that.

So, stop waiting for a grand finale. Sometimes, you’ve just got to change the channel.

Now go block your ex. You know you want to.

~smy