Single Mom Diaries | Helping My Grieving Son

As a parent, one of the most challenging experiences I have faced is supporting my son through grief.Loss is a natural part of life, but when it touches our little ones, it can be overwhelming for both them and us.

Just under a week ago, my son's beloved dog, Duke, passed. His devistation was next level and, at first, I honestly had no idea how to comfort him; his pain was that great. Still is today. So, it's an ongoing thing in our house right now.

The first day was a challenging one as I found myself in bed next to my son, holding him close until his tears finally stopped. Witnessing my usually vibrant and lively little boy in such a state of sadness, cocooned under his blanket, was truly heart-wrenching. It was a poignant moment that tugged at my own emotions, seeing him grappling with his own sadness. As a parent, it's not easy to witness our children in pain, especially when they are normally brimming with happiness and energy.

Like most young children, my son is aware of death even if he doesn't fully understand it. Death is a common theme in cartoons, movies and TV, but I think experiencing grief firsthand has been a confusing process for him. Through this process, I've learned that clearly I can’t protect my son from the pain of loss, but I do know that I can help him feel safe and encourage him to express his feelings and to explain to him what it is he is feeling.

Lately, I've come to understand that children handle sadness differently from adults. I appreciate that my son is adept at expressing his emotions. My goal has been to create a safe space for him to confide in me. I've been engaging in open conversations with him, reassuring him that it's normal to experience feelings of sadness, anger, or confusion.

It's been tough, but I've been telling my son to talk about all the good times with Duke and not feel bad if he gets a bit teary-eyed or emotional. We've talked about different ways to cherish his dog's memory, like planting a tree, making a scrapbook, or lighting a candle - whatever helps him keep Duke close in his heart. I think this whole thing not only pays tribute to the past but also helps him become stronger.

According to my mother, the grieving process is not a straightforward journey; it fluctuates like the tides, and it's important to remain patient. Discussing death with children can be challenging. They often have many inquiries, and when my son asks me questions, I find myself wondering how to effectively explain it to him. As parents, we constantly strive to protect our children from pain and danger. However, the reality is that death is an inevitable aspect of life, and our children will inevitably encounter it at some stage, regardless of our efforts to shield them.

It truly breaks my heart to see my son in pain and sorrow. Being his parent, I strive to be his strength during these difficult times. I can only hope that my efforts bring him some comfort and solace. Witnessing his innocent face contorted with grief isn't easy at all. As I mentioned before, I cannot shield him from his pain–I wish I could. I've explained to him that healing isn't always pretty, or easy, no matter what we do–it will also take time–who knows how long–and a small part of his pain might not go away. But I do remind him that he will smile again, laugh again, and feel happy again.

~smy